Current location:	Sentinel Hill - Westfall
Current mood:	pensive

Comfort
Over the years, if I've learned nothing else, I've learned that it is extremely rare to find a friend who you can feel completely comfortable with. I've been lucky. I have friends that I can be myself with, that I can trust completely. I never thought that I'd be able to find as much in a lover. Too many are either attracted to, or put off by, my past. In either case, they never see me as anything more than a whore. Others expect things that I am unwilling to give. They want to control me, or worse, they want me to make every decision for them.

I don't want to fall for anyone right now. My heart has not yet healed, do I really want to risk it again so soon?

Can I even pretend that I have a choice in the matter? It's already too late. Just because I'm afraid to say the words doesn't mean it's not there.

I honestly don't think I've ever experienced such happiness before. So what if it's not the man who haunted my dreams for so long? I'm not even sure I'd want him anymore, beyond the occasional moment of lust. I don't think he could make me feel so at peace with everything as I do now. Even with the one who knows me better than anyone, it's never felt this comfortable, this right.

Rosa once told me that one should never practice caution in love, to never let fear get in the way, but I always have. I've only allowed myself to love once, from afar, and when I finally admitted my affection it only brought about heartbreak.

Maybe it's time I threw caution to the wind.